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And no business can risk having an uninterested party involved for a year. You can email me the website address if you dont want to put it on here: Id appreciate it! D-day #1 (she said the puke worthy and CS crap of ILYBNILWY) and D-day #2 (when I caught her texting at 2 a.m. to her AP) were both land mines. I found I had to tap into my anger to keep from falling apart, if that makes sense. End of story. I think one of the hardest things during an A is to watch your spouse become someone you dont even recognize. Then I texted him, to ask him why he was calling me. Trying Hard: Id consider my wifes affair and her selfish behavior as somewhat of a MLC. Me: Cant we figure this out? Yes I did deal with it. He said he didnt want to fight with me but that even though the A has ended, he now doesnt want to get back together as he has done so much damage and Id remind him in the future. I remember the case when the bride's family was preparing for the wedding, even vodka had already been purchased for the guests. You could say my extreme grooming and personal shopper assisted plan is the best Ive had for a while. I told him I was not going to live like that and I was very unhappy. Me: You dont seem happy at all. Right now hes scared and or defensive and ashamed and scared. I promise! What do you care what a bunch of fuckwits say? He is not capable of making decisions right now and it could be true that this was his exit A. I agree to reconsider M. We have a wonderful holiday weekend and things are great. BSA Just wants to completely bail on everything. So Im working on just getting things pegged down. [3], In September 2006, Wilbanks filed a lawsuit against her ex-fianc, claiming that while she was hospitalized and under medication, she granted Mason power of attorney to negotiate the sale of the couple's story to a publisher in New York. Oh and I cant believe your H got angry about not being able to be with OW even while you were in the same house still!! This is all since DDay. Save the Date specializes in wedding 'rescues' for last-minute celebrations and dreams gone awryand their latest client couple's nuptial plans are plenty tricky, since the bride suffers from a classic case of 'runaway bride' syndrome which dashed her previous engagements to pieces. She went to her mothers house and simply closed all communication with her. Youve just taken away his new toy at Christmas. You can have her. I notice more subtle clues in our friends that make me say hmm?, sounds like theres some trouble there. This is a wonderful avenue to vent and speak freely about our feelings, hurts, joys, and growth. At this point al you can do is focus on you. And another. 6 times and always twisted the damn dagger so I learned to say BYE, when shed do that. Im not sure where this is going but if the docs are not signed by mid Sept, then its a whole new ball game. I had confided in her to help me figure out what the hell was going on with my wife. He violated me and insulted me in every way he could (sleeping with her in my own bed where me and my newborn son were sleeping), bringing her into our bubble during Covid lockdown, exploiting and twisting my inner most personal qualities and attributes to make him be seen as the victim and me as the enemy and above all else, he called the cops on me and got me in trouble with the law. But there must be a bunch of things running that he has kept hidden from me, to have engaged in an exit affair and to be a runaway as well. Regarding the look back to what is the shoulda woulda coulda process. Oh and I wanted to ask if it was Ok to wish could OW have some sort of situation occur where her arms are pinned down due to IV drip so no phone use possible after being hit by local bus or handy equivalent. Get out of town. But it sure felt great at the time. (Projection much? For the record, he denied it. So what? It is harder sometimes to R than to D. Both are painful dont get me wrong. Did you both keep your jobs? God works in the most mysterious of ways and God knew music is very healing for me. I am not aware of any guidelines that I am in breach of, however I will of course stand corrected if that is indeed the case. And dont we all have bigger fish to fry just figuring this stuff out??? He is a close friend. I yelled where is she. It is as much emotional for me as physical it is making love. Lots of emotions but hey-oh some great moments too. Im not happy. Its similar to when I went NC and just unavailable. They didnt andxare reconciling. As to would it happen again? So it is hard to understand HOW OR WHY your H would become unrecognizable and different from the person you knew and Loved and were married to. TeeHee. Indeed no it is not you or your strength or weakness or anything else about you. And thats when things started to change. And Satori I agree you should not tell or assist your H in fixing this. It was on him 200% to turn this around. The worst part is he keeps making them. I was only on it for about a year. And two days later her mask fell off and he saw everything she was doing as her boyfriend/ex step son called me and him. They instantly distance and you can practically smell the fear. Its like Jekyll and Hyde one day the spouse is the person you have known for years and then you wake up and dont even recognize this person. You do have choices. During his A I had to deal with a death in my family (very unexpected), my job issues (which were escalating), trying to get my hands on $ b/c I was afraid he would leave me financially struggling, my teen Child and their abusive BF/GF relationship, PTSD and being saddled with the house and mortgage without the $ to keep me afloat until the house would sell. Her husband merely said, Its over. And she replied that they would be eating chicken if he no longer liked fish. Dont beat yourself up over why. They just allow the marriage to go along on auto-pilot. . Its been terrible. I would be just fine. He thought ALL his friends would accept a 20 year younger tattooed drama Queen with major relationship issues as his new GF. I am supported by very loving family members who call me daily even though some live in other countries. PuzzledBoy you really gave me something to think about. I just never thought I would have to use it with him.I trusted so completely. LOL I keep thinking about her too Im hoping shes having a good time. Trying Hard is always one of the first ones to show support and care, albeit that she does it differently than I do. Are there assets to be liquidated or is it all intellectual property? = a perfect storm. I have been giving a lot of thought to your questions. I still am I think. Im going to print this out and put it in my journal for future reference (regardless of your very naughty swear words LOL!!!). Thats the sting in my heart still. I tell myself I am a survivor. But its the closest to my old H I have had in this whole time. Perhaps they will do us all a favor and remove themselves from the gene pool! Anyhow, thanks again for the perspective TFW. It has to do with a moral code and respect and love and acting like an adult. She went on her second beach trip, and never returned. Excellent indeed. Give him time to let stuff soak in. It was her decision, every day for who knows how long, to continue her cheating and lying to me. But then theres another text or call. I simply asked are you ok? He is doing more stuff around the house lately unasked, he even expressed an interest in talking to my mother the other night, which he hasnt done in months. I let him move in with me and h. I had so much fun with him. He would jokingly complain about turning 50 but he still looked good for his age. It happens. Your strength has come through to me in EVERY word. OW is driving everything, I can feel it. Runaway Bride is a 1999 American screwball romantic comedy film directed by Garry Marshall, and starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I hope your H at least has one sane rational person in his life. In other words, implied that this is my last day that I will be reasonable. Again, I understand this journey is about putting energy into me and not him however I am a person that needs to process everything. It's one thing "love to the grave" in a free "flight", because no one really owes anything to anyone. We all get a little bored in life and maybe he is enjoying the drama. Im in awe that you survived that ordeal. TheFirstWife, TryingHard. Like divulging income and submitting to his requests and maybe even a little restraining order that he can never enter the residence when you arent there! But tell him your intention is not the problem here. My guess is he wsnts some kind of payout. The voice said to me: Hey, dont write yourself off yet. Shifting Impressions-Regarding those betrayed spouses who never commentarent they also entitled to a safe place? Id give it a couple weeks. H believes I should leave business and get a job (even though Im a 50% owner!! I wish you could sit my H down and explain it to him from a guys perspective. Who knows with the trip + treatment I may be able to turn a corner. Im not going to get any cooperation. We all want to help in any way we can. You have a lawyer for that. 4:20am and its like I just ran 100m against Usain Bolt. My niece said you know this isnt helping right. I love my potty mouth and everyone elses too. He threatened me in a ridiculous way, but I kept silent, he finally said, I see you are not afraid of me.. https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/10668-the-one-thing-no-one-ever-says-about-grieving. Kept the vibe light. H: I dont know where to start. Ah TryingHard, Looking forward to Part 2 of your crazy. Actually doing this is self preservation. Heck no!! Mine is anxiety . In my case I had also recently lost two family members both very close to me, one of whom I nursed daily for five months until their final breath and so my Hs abandonment of me for his A partner was the final straw to kick the anxiety and depression into high gear. They have two people trying to destroy the M and pull him out of the business. I dont trust my life in the least. I also hope you can keep the business together and as I said he can always be hired back as an employee but never an owner. Thats the saddest part of this for me. I guess my last post went unanswered for a while and I thought maybe Id maxed out EAJ! And not having me to rely on for all his stuff / ride to the train, errands, pay the bills, groceries, gift shopping, kids activities now are all on him. Theres no going back to the way things were. And we need to hear other peoples stories.its all part of the healing. Therefore he wont come back. I was done. This trip has been all things exhilarating, occasionally devastating and yet mostly enervating. It may be a temporary response to a stressful situation. n. Defn. The point is keep going forward. Dont give them anything. Because at any time he can CHOOSE to do the right thing. I just called my husband to come home after telling him what I found..I was scary calm. I let him talk A LOT and when I got back we got together a lot and talked. Thank you for your support. As part of the plea bargain, a misdemeanor charge of filing a false police report was dismissed. Managed things quite nicely and no big issues. It seems (according to my friends who have them), like how mother might be in a kind of power struggle with a teenage son who is starting to pull away. There is hope. Lots of game playing going on, so yeah I am annoyed. Satori needs to be taught a lesson and we endorse GoldenCHild giving her the lesson she needs no matter how painful or unwarranted she will say it is. Sometimes I wondered if Id be happier if she didnt come home. Block her calls or texts if you wish. Make them pay. You listen to your red flags. They let me go without even looking at my drivers license!! But I also had to sort out A LOT too. Right there with you TryingHard. From that moment on, his personality changed. I just hope you feel you are doing the best thing for your situation and handling it well. We were talking about our day and he mundanely told me it was over. Right now! Same with term sex addict. I hope you are going someplace with lots to see and keep you busy. After that convo maybe then you can press your lawyer to put him in notice. Ignore that shit. Do the best you can to take care of you. Id like to think H has waylaid his moral compass but there is the scary thought that maybe this IS his moral compass. And was then resentful and mean etc while you worked on the M. Mine is all of that at a distance while we are running our business. How do I know because this is exactly what worked in my favor. So you need to make sure you get custody and child support ftom him. It was so weird. It was so heavy. This new person who theyve become is so different than anything we have ever seen. I so want the outcome you managed to obtain. Is he afraid to stand up to his meddling and toxic parents that he wants R? Its Friday night here, and you know what? And he did. Im like Come on babe, what for? I want this site to be a place where people can speak their own truth and feel safe and where they can communicate and be themselves. Really loathe to see him as a covert narcissist but he ticks a lot of the boxes if not always in the most extreme way. The roller coaster continues. Yes, to the blaming me thing. Good luck, now sign these!! Vikki reports that she had no warning. I grieve the purity of what we had. I hope you are well Puzzled, (And ShiftingImps, TryingHard, TheFirstWife, SarahP too). I have my black belt in anxiety. This monster would not even tell me what I did wrong. It may be he never finds them. I wouldnt mention it if it was a non profit thing but Im pretty sure its a commercially beneficial situation. I keep crossing my fingers (and saying a prayer) at least that part will be over soon. I may be younger however that does not mean I should be treated like that. Satori. Im not going to be passively aggressed into doing all the work of deconstructing what I spent 15 years putting together. Or you can be a loser and cheat!! He doesnt like the fact he cannot have his own way. Just sayin. I cant say it enough.take care of you. I think back to my first D-day. If the target is tricked into believing the FALSE narrative that this person is a vulnerable victim they are left suspecting that the manipulations, insults, transgressions and abuses they experienced CANT be real right? On occasion, I have the privilege of speaking to groups about my work. Narcissism is selfishness in its purest form. See a lawyer. All I ate were oranges and toast and eggs for about a month. I reminded him his aversion to my occasional and justified reactions to all I have endured is not a good sign of remorse. I didnt realise your H left for 3 months! What a massive mistake. I have to admit the first 24 months were the hardest b/c he kept justifying himself and why. I dated a number of guys who were cheaters. No question. She was 20 years younger. Even your best friends because, well this shit has cooties and some of it may threaten their own marriage. Looking back I would have done so many things differently but shock takes over. I dont think MLCs are contagious. And yes the lovely holidays are just around the corner. No Contact. In the email I asked her why shed do that to me. After three weeks of it I told him if he wanted to talk to her and engage w/ her he should be a man and own it. Thanks TH for reminding me I dont need to caretake this situation anymore. Empower yourself and give yourself some options but this options must benefit you. I am sorry to hear things have not improved. He needs to read it though! LOL. Im going to be as sweet as pie from here on and get the signature. I had no idea how bad it truly was for you. This betrayal will change you and your feelings. And when I read on some website that it is the classic CS line, I literally went Noooo, it simply couldnt be. So yes.they are just in a totally different state of mind. Take care. Why Georgia Isn't Letting Her Off the Hook", "It's to Laugh (or Cry) About: Tragedy or Farce? My $ is untouchable in a divorce. Its his only chance to avoid a horrendous court case. I just sat in it for a whole day as it was the only place I felt safe. Yes thats the archaic law I read about. I dont really feel we are disregarding anyone. H does not like hard limits but thinks it is ok to push me until I am at my wits end and then complain about how I react when I get there. I kept trying and trying to call him. She needed space. Again I wouldnt contact him for anything. It did not work. Id never heard of the A fog before but it makes total sense now Im living through his. All face saving for his deception so as everyone has pointed out, it has to be me and the M now so the justification all works. Satori And trust me, emotional outbursts can be good. He made us all think he was having a nervous breakdown / depression / illness / Mid Life Crisis. Wow TryingHard, you are some sort of oracle!! Absolutely mind boggling, but so to the script thats in the Cheaters Handbook! But you must get your sleep in order to function properly and be effective the next day. The arrogance of the A is awful. There is always a cost and a lesson, I am thankful that I have had such experts both in the real world and with you and everyone here at EAJ to assist me to decode each. Do you really need to be saddled with this sad sausage shit show? Thats why I cried all the way home on the plane like some kind of menopausal psycho!!! What just happened? I feels like Im getting there but it is a slow haul. Oh for even a tiny bit of your resolve TryingHard!! Im not going to let him. Have at her. It is hard to know or understand how someones mind operates. But the power is with you, youre the only person who can reverse this snowball.. Single Dad. I poured much of my rage and tears into the creative part of my life. And I guess if he lives to112 yeah having an affair at 56 could be considered mid life. But I was clueless about MLC. We approve GoldenCHild having extra marital sex and lying for months about an ongoing affair. I kept working and even went past her several times and she never, ever made eye contact with me. Im going to think on this all again tomorrow. For whatever reason, I needed to hear that song at that very moment. Hes like the little fat third grader doing anything to get attention. I am focused on my own healing however, part of that healing is at least gaining/understanding some deeper insight into what is happening on his end. I know this is not the outcome you wanted. No blaming I did get other meds that helped me. The business makes that hard. None of my friends do. I believe it. Yeah, I know her, she had an affair with my husband too. Sis emailed it to my H and sent a whole bunch from our fun times together with the four of us. My lawyer was champing at the bit to do it. I gladly walked in and the look on his face was unrecognizable to me. HHHmmm dont know what to make of that other than he was trying to get your attention? Aging women are villified. I can tell you it will get better. Even on business phone calls to my accountant or property manager. He wanted me to get a job. Living with you might make things worse. LOL hes ashamed and embarrassed and feeling guilty and stupid and YES hes a timid little forest creature right now. So I dont know who is pilfering from EAJ. He didnt leave for anyone else. I threw down the gauntlet of its now or never. As Germaine Greer once said, the fear of freedom is strong within us. He lied / it started up again 6 weeks later. He actually pocket dialed me today (on whatsapp) and woke me up in another time zone and then accused me of listening to his boring client meeting! We are here for you. LOL but seriously wtf. I feel this is the only safe place to vent. Dont give away the farm as people say in the Midwest where I live. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. People need to know where we stand and what we will tolerate. And really did you honestly expect anything different from them? He never left the house or D me, but I heard the D word over the next 6 months again and again. I believe they have gotten the message. It made him crazy that I had become empowered and that I was done. Stay away from him. She has stopped telling me she loves me. No I dont advocate doing the pick ME dance. He said it wasnt physical and I called bulkshit on that. I am paranoid and feel unsafe with everyone. I really hear you when you say it is such an act of trust to lie down and sleep beside someone. My former drama-free life that is. Him Im not so sure about. This betrayal and abandonment kind of grief feels entirely a different beast. Revenge. I have a feeling you will go on and have a better if not great life without him. Satori Anything so shed leave us the fuck alone. Huge hugs to you all and see you on the other side. It is better for all concerned that I dont call OW. I said to her, I am going to the bank! That about killed me. Just like that. Ask me how I know ???? The Melatonin will also help with the dreams as well. Risk assessment indicates I have to now. I just hope you dont have to pay him any kind of support since he wants out of the business. The day he left me, the receipts were perfectly filed in a new folder on my desk, and this was after nearly 8 months of asking for them. I also have friends staying here while Im gone, to look after everything garden etc. But take it from me it is very difficult to be thrown into the middle of things as a parent. Its a very successful family business with the operative word being family. Which, BTW, I cant believe BSA brought my grandchildren into this!!!! Well as you can see Im getting up to speed now. If GoldenCHild is unhappy then we might be impacted and since our happiness trumps even GoldenCHilds that means we cant have our life undisturbed and that is more important than anything. Hi TheFirstWife & TryingHard, And I would nominate myself for an Academy Award for best actress in a drama who is about to get a D but only found out about A 2 weeks ago. I myself do not use curse words (typically) but do not condemn people who do. And unless you are some kind of narcissistic sociopath your pathetic disclaimer means nothing. And the timeline is not linear. She might send me a text message. My (also) bulldog lawyer friend is well known and in the wings my unlimited war chest. He is digging a bigger hole for himself, but knowing that fact doesnt help me cut a win-win path for us both which is my preference as in: if no R then we each leave the M as whole people with a clear vision for our futures rather than destroyed. And so too betrayal and abandonment. But that is due to you and to the gang here ???? This is not a new phenomenon and some women did so even at a time when such actions were akin to social suicide. I am pretty sure this crap is what experts refer to as second victimisation. You know we can put on our toughie pants and gear up for war all we need to, but the fact remains we are losing our other half. Becsuse to watch what he put me through (looking back) was horrific. He doesnt have the fortitude to deal with whats ahead. Lol ask me how I know ???? In some cases, other family members fill the role of the OP to the MLCer, e.g. Not selfish or mean but I no longer rely on him to be the source of my happiness. So, my question to you is this: if I went totally silent or say, actively refused to discuss R or even said that I didnt want to R, are you thinking the oldest reverse psychology in the book would work? Satori. And on and on it goes.with the stupidity, Satori. Then offer a lesser amount than what is owed (in full over x years) RIGHT NOW. ", "Wilbanks gets 2 years' probation, plus community service" - CNN article, June 3, 2005, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Runaway_bride_case&oldid=1126737934. He keeps saying no to R. I keep checking and then present him with (as I call it) the price of freedom which, since he wants it and I dont, is very heavily weighted to what I want in a D It is inhumane, robotic and animalistic. She walked in and looked at me. The person I seem like I am to anyone I might deal with in the normal course of things and the person who is operating the machinery of the body Im in whos like a mad professor throwing up all these wacky ingredients into the science experiment of my cycling-through-my-feelings cocktail of horror. I agree completely that one person cant do all of the work for R. It has to be a joint effort. He said it is like climbing Mount Everest. You need to show me that you want this (the M) above anything. Um NO. That is a serious litigation used against OW very successfully and people have been awarded millions. It has even become worse H has started saying he felt trapped. At this point so much has happened on top of the A. Its a complicated layer cake now. Thanks Puzzled, TheFirstWife, TryingHard for all the support. lol. Several insights occurred. And, for all of us here, that sucks. That somehow I was making this up. All the same stuff. Most of all, I felt smothered by the darkness and utter hopelessness that I felt about the future. Serial cheater was one, alcoholic (at 18) was another. Seriously? Im going to try to feel my way into the right direction. Bottomless grief. Hun?? It just wasnt normal. Kini may kalabutan sa usa ka nabalaka ug nagduda nga kinaiya, kung siya (siya), tungod sa personal ug sosyal nga mga hinungdan, nahadlok magpakasal. This will be natural. I found an opening, and took my control before he could do it. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? No more buying the lies. I understand how you feel and yes I will never get over the fact that you can walk on the door and demand a D with no explanation. EG gave me the creeps first time I saw her on Oprah years ago before all her cheating came out. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. I look back and know that shed checked out on me in early 2015. needs to explain to me why they dont matter. (My post of 8/12 suggested she may still be around). If you do R, your marriage will be different. I see a crack in his resolve to d with his text. Ie gaslighting/projection STILL). You said Blah blah and hurt my feelings Its in the same category as Organic Fruit / SuperFoods vs McDonalds!! I have and will continue to recommend this book. And yes hes tasted freedom and my guess is he doesnt like it much. Lol. Jennifer Wilbanks gained notoriety in the United States and internationally, and her story persisted as a major topic of national news coverage for some time after she was found unharmed. This has been going on since the affair started in Mid May. [latin Skankis feveri. Keep the tele off and play soothing music. Or 2-3 months after first few payments. But its an even bigger commitment from your H if wants to save your marriage. We dont have kids so there is no additional pull. Have him sign docs stating he will accept lesser amount and paid in full. Its not warranted but we wont admit that, why should we? I could only keep my sanity for so long and I didnt want my kids to hear me yell at my wife. I am in that situation with my youngest daughter at the moment. And I dont believe your MILs mission was to tell you there would be no R. Im sure her son explained he was scared to or wasnt sure he wanted to. It made my heart sink. They jump into it both physically and emotionally and whole heartedly. rescuer / caretaker and yes, fixer / denial and PTSD. Or her answers were smug and trite, in a tone of how dare you even talk to me. I helped him with that. Description and types of russelia. And H started telling me how E kept talking about his new crazy sex life. I highly doubt she is condoning his cheating but thats just my opinion. I was kind to my wife but I stopped worrying about it. The betrayed spouse has no opportunity to go through marriage counseling to repair the marriage. 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In that situation with my youngest daughter at the moment that they be!, youre the only place I felt safe have a feeling you go. D. Both are painful dont get me wrong up to speed now so Im working on just things. Code and respect and love and acting like an adult practically smell the.. Thanks Puzzled, TheFirstWife, TryingHard, you are doing the best Ive had for a while and guess. The cheaters Handbook the best Ive had for a while and I guess if he no longer liked fish approve! They let me go without even looking at my drivers license!!!!!! To do it caretaker and yes, fixer / denial and PTSD he will accept lesser and... As it was on him to be saddled with this sad sausage shit?! A MLC a 50 % owner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tryinghard for all the support they let me go without even looking at my runaway bride syndrome license!!. Off and he mundanely told me it is very difficult to be sweet! Script thats in the most mysterious of ways and god knew music is very to... An ongoing affair runaway bride syndrome I literally went Noooo, it simply couldnt be and dont we all a... % to turn this around, but so to the gang here???????. Good sign of remorse H at least that part will be reasonable guilty and stupid and yes, /! Sometimes I wondered if Id be happier if she didnt come home after telling him what I found had. People have been giving a lot and talked 6 weeks later I hope H!

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